TATTOOS

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I regret [my motives behind] getting tattoos.

That might sound like a strange thing to hear considering the quantity of visible tattoos that I have. Before I go too much further, let me pause and explain - my thoughts on this topic are just that…my thoughts, based on my understanding of the choices that I made and my convictions about those choices. In no way should anyone come away from this self-reflection and assume it should be applied to them or anyone else.

I guess I should also clarify what I mean by “regret”. It’s not that I regret having them because of some unsettled angst or looking to have them removed with laser treatment (which even if I did want to, I wouldn’t …because it would hurt worse and cost more). In fact, even though I assume “tattoos” would have to be on the list of a physical description of me…with my last tattoo being over 10 years ago, I often forget that they’re there.

My regret, is rooted deeper in the motivations behind those choices and my heart posture. At the time, all the motivations were not apparent to me… or if they were I was desperately pushing them down out of the way to not be dealt with.

My first tattoo was on my 18th birthday after school in 2003. It was on the outside of my right arm. Shortly after it was another on the outside my left arm, then quickly followed by another on the inside of my right arm…. Which led to a large chest piece… I was quickly addicted.

One thing to note, is that in all these tattoos, at varying times, I would choose something faith based or scripture text. I had a “desire” that maybe some of the ink would be a “witnessing” tool, that a tattoo would point people to God…I don’t believe that has ever happened one time...to this day.

In choosing something religious every so often, I think I convinced myself that having a few “meaningful” images could justify all the others no matter how meaningless they were (even if it was a tattoo of a mosquito sucking my blood). Also I would somehow justify meaningless tattoos, by coming up with some meaning that didn’t really exist, but sounded good for people who wanted to know the meaning when there really wasn’t one other than I wanted that section of my skin to be covered.

So what were the motivations? It wasn’t until a couple years ago I really self evaluated any of this and had to face the truth to the answers of the questions I was asking myself. The motivations varied but I determined they fell into one of three categories: rebellion, vanity, or laziness.

Rebellion:

When I was still in high school and waiting to turn 18 for my first tattoo, the desire was rebellion. I wanted to rebel against what my private Baptist school expected of me. I wanted to rebel against what my parents expected, primarily my dad who was no longer around and knowing he would have disapproved of what I was doing, but also finding some sort of satisfaction that even if he found out… what could he do about it?

Vanity:

What might have started out as a basic level of creative expression, quickly shifted to my own prideful vanity. After only a few tattoos with some meaningful thought being used, the methodology shifted directions to image, mostly with quantity and coverage…creating a look. I wanted to get sleeves (meaning your whole arm is covered in tattoos so it appears at first glance you’re wearing a long sleeve shirt), and I wanted it quickly, I wanted to beat others to it. Apprenticing at a tattoo shop fast tracked that plan as I would get “paid” with free ink. The next step in the image that I was creating was to be more “committed”. While all this was taking place in my early twenties, very rarely was anyone in my circle getting tattoos that couldn’t be covered up with clothing. So logically, for me, the next bold step to strengthen the image I was creating… even though I had plenty of available real estate, was to get the back of both my hands covered. This would let people know I was “serious” about my image and possibly “more serious” than those around me [insert second-hand embarrassment here, with mocking laughter].

Laziness:

I mentioned that some of my tattoos do actually have a faith driven meaning. With some of those, I thought that if someone asked me what they meant, I would then have the opportunity to tell them the verse or the meaning behind it. This particular category of ink is what I regret the most, not because of the meaning or even the intent, but because of the pitiful spiritual laziness I was exhibiting while simultaneously patting myself on the back for “being so bold” [insert hypocrite label here]. I had convinced myself that placing an image on my body could somehow absolve me of any responsibility for a call to action. I thought that a representation of scripture was in the same ball park as actually representing scripture with my life. As if having a cross drawn on my body was the same as carrying one and killing my own desires upon it. I believed that having scripture drawn on my arm was good enough…that simply, subtly “professing” it was a satisfactory example of faith.

The truth is, my heart is still rebellious, it’s still full of pride, it still seeks to be comfortable…some of these tattoos are just visual reminders of my failed nature, and maybe that’s not all bad because it’s also a reminder of the sweet, merciful Grace of Christ who is pulling me to Glory one day at a time.

Scripture for consideration:

James 2:17

"So also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead." ESV

1 Timothy 1:15

"The saying is trustworthy and deserving of full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the foremost." (ESV)

2 Corinthians 3:18

"And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit." ESV